It occurs twice, three times a year. You can count on it. You can count on them.
My wife is shrewd. She pretends not to see them, or not hear them or to be too busy when the problem occurs. So it’s always me who has to answer the door.
It had been some time since their last visit, but yes I knew they would return. They always return. Relentlessly. So there they were again last Thursday.
No, it’s not that bad. It’s just a major nuisance.
People standing on your doorstep, ringing the bell and asking if you’re interested to have your soul saved from eternal doom. And actually.. I’m not.
They usually are persistent. It’s hard to get rid of them.
They always come in pairs. American evangelicals sometimes, but most of the time Jehovah’s Witnesses. Usually a middle aged lady and a middle aged male.
Sometimes two middle aged women. That’s worse, because it’s tough to be sufficiently rude to ladies. A method which I reluctantly resort to. Every now and then.
But worst of all are the villains who come with a small child in tow. You have to be polite and even charming, because of that little boy or girl. Especially if it’s a girl. That condition immediately reminds of the female British novelist who, as a young girl, experienced herself the embarrassments of being in tow of fanatically proselyting Pentecostal parents – and heartbreakingly wrote about it *.
Yet, in the light of recent events the relatively innocent encroachments upon the ‘my home is my castle’ privilege, were mere blessings in disguise. Pretty peaceful basic trainings for what will follow. What the future has in store for us. That future where words, even abusive words, arguments, angry facial expressions and threatening body language words won’t do any more to get rid of the unwelcome missionaries.
Today I visualize a future in which bearded, funnily dressed, heavily armed young men call upon me and offer me a choice to convert on the spot, pay up considerable amounts of money or being staged for a summary execution. No words or body language will chase them away.
So let it be known to those who are on a mission from God, I will prepare.
There will be a quote by John Cale on my door **. And I will have my Kalashnikov ready.
* Jeanette Winterson; Oranges are not the only fruit.
> John Cale, quote from Hanky Panky Nohow, Album `Paris 1919′:
“Nothing frightens me more
Than religion at my door”